Real Human Connection

15.5.2024:

An event that I will reveal in this post could be summed up into three Czech proverbs. They say, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” “It is usually at times of worst struggles and hardships when we find out who is our real friend.” And, the third one: “A blessing in disguise.”

In one of my previous posts (How Not to Fight With Your Partner?) I indicated that the beginning of this year was difficult for me and my wife. I also mentioned that nowadays life is full of constant challenges for all of us, so it is quite difficult to enjoy the simple fact that we are alive.

And, in another of my posts (Why Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 Speaks to Us More Than Ever), I expressed my opinion that we are nowadays more interested in engaging with an unreal world through our electronic devices than in a real human connection with real people. I must say that I am guilty as charged. I don´t want to be from those who preach to drink water while they drink wine.

But to the point.

Just on Monday 8th of April 2024 me and my wife had one of our regular conversations, about how we will approach our new upcoming life challenges. We made our family action plan that always gives us hope that we will somehow eventually manage them.

During our discussion, we were time by time spilling our hearts out and crying about constant difficulties in our lives which have become recently and noticeably more challenging. As a foreigner living abroad, I also rarely forget to complain about how the hosting country treats foreigners and how the country is managed. My rage was strongly fed early that day by my barber from Pakistan who is also “fed up” as he said.

So, like that we were sitting in our living room for hours, discussing and moaning.

When the day advanced to its last quarter we finally decided that enough was crying for one day and that we should do something for our mental and physical health. So, we decided to go bouldering in one of the new climbing halls near our home.

The Fall Woman

Although you would not guess my wife to be a typical sportswoman it was she who convinced me to try something new, to try bouldering.

Don´t take me wrong. I grew up in an environment where we were surrounded by natural reservations full of rocks and where we were climbing all the time. My mum even used to be a mountain climber when she was younger.

But, an image of people exercising together inside a hall is not really for me. Even in a gym, I was only a few times in my whole life. I simply prefer to exercise at home or preferably outdoors. I would rather run on a cold rainy day on muddy tracks full of puddles than indoors with many other sweating people on a treadmill.

My wife is different. She is willing to be vulnerable. She can push down her fear of what other people might think about her, or that she might not be good at something etc. She just goes and does it. That´s what I love about her.

We spent in the climbing hall around one hour. It was a rainy day, a bank holiday, so it was full of people.

As always we tried step by step all the tracks in the hall that matched our skills by their difficulty level. We cheered ourselves up, we gave each other courage and suggestions when it was needed.

When our hour passed we decided to go home and treat ourselves with a Chinese takeaway. But before we left my wife decided to give one more try to one of the tracks at the beginning that she was too scared to try. We called that track a boobs track because of the handles with the typical shape that men love so much.

I asked if she was sure but it was a pointless question because when my wife decides to do something there is nothing that would stop her.

So, just to give my conscience piece I showed her the best way how to climb the track. With some difficulties, she made it up but I could see that she didn´t have after one hour of climbing much strength left, so I suggested she climb down on an easier track on her left side, and she did.

She suddenly stopped her progress down approximately a half meter above the ground. I saw that she struggled. I stepped forward to observe and give her suggestions about the next best move but before I did so she decided to jump off. Unfortunately in the worst possible moment.

A Blessing in Disguise

Next a few seconds seemed that the time just stopped or extremely slowed down.

The moment when my wife decided to jump, her body was too deflected to the right side. Her left leg was bent, so she jumped only on her right leg.

The following moment I had in front of my inner eyes for days. The moment played in my head over and over again like some jammed recording.

Her right leg bent unnaturally as if it belonged to a doll made of rubber and to a human body. In the next moment, she was lying on her back screaming in pain, her right leg twisted most weirdly.

If you think that you passed already some first aid courses, so you should be ready for these situations, let me tell you this. As long as you are not a professional, nothing will prepare you for this kind of situation.

I attended a first-aid course that was highly theoretical anyway just in March 2024, and I was everything but not ready for this. I attended several first-aid courses in my life and I even attended a few first-aid competitions when I was younger and was placed in medallic positions, but I was everything but not ready for this.

In the real world was practically impossible to calm my wife down, give her first aid, and call an ambulance. I only managed to hug her and told her that everything would be all right. The next moment like in a weird dream I shouted at someone to call for help. My wife held me in her pain so strongly that I could not do much more.

Fortunately, we were extremely lucky in all that misfortune. Before you knew it approximately five people were helping us.

By my wife´s injured leg was an older thin man with grizzled hair who proclaimed himself as a doctor, and started immediately observing the issue. Next to him was a younger man who was a GP. In all the shock I was in I could not believe how lucky we were. These men should know what they were doing. I would not manage it on my own. If I was not worried that I could upset my wife I would start crying with happiness. No matter how strange it might sound.

Real Human Connection

While the two doctors were busy treating my wife´s injured leg, I was fully occupied and overwhelmed with calming her down. She was still crying in pain and was more afraid of how she probably upset everyone with her screaming. She was also worried about how we would manage financially.

That´s my wife. I believe that even on her death bed she will think about how her death affects other people than what it means for her. She will think more about other people than about herself.

I tried to keep her calm as best as I could but I will not lie. Never in my life, have I felt more useless and hopeless, and I kept holding on by some miraculous inner strength.

There was however another aspect that gave me a strength that I could pass on to my wife. The help of total strangers who became very involved. Also, we never met before I felt at that moment a very strong and real human connection between us that could not be replaced by any technology or pretend. It made me very emotional.

There were those two doctors who were threatening my wife´s leg and helped to call an ambulance. By my wife´s head were another two amazing people. By her head was with me
a young woman, a student of veterinary medicine or an aspiring vet (I don´t remember exactly) who helped me calm my wife down and explained to her what the doctors were doing with her leg. By her right side was a young man who was holding her right hand and was also helping to calm her down. My wife later told me that she remembered that he was a student of interior design or something like that. At the end, there was a staff member of the climbing hall who also tried to help and assist as much as he could.

So, they were all these amazing people, total strangers to us with whom during that hour or so before my wife was taken into an ambulance I felt unconditional human connection and to whom we would like to express our deepest gratitude.

You wish for people like them if something would happen to you, or your loved ones.

Bravo NHS! Bravo National Health Care!

Let me ask you: are you one of those people who are moaning about the state of national health care?

Well, we are!

Let´s put aside the fact that we are for sure victims of underfinanced national health care and that we know many people who have received quite poor service as well. And, I know very few people who are not concerned about the current state and the future of national health care.

But despite above mentioned facts I must say that my wife received after her accident an astonishing professional service from the ambulance crew but also in the hospital in the A&E department and the orthopedical wards in the hospital.

Everyone was very kind, polite and professional. Even an older woman in the A&E reception whom I kept asking when I could see my wife patiently and with a smile updated me about her condition, although the A&E was quite busy.

There in the hospital, I have realized that there are still people who do their best to provide the best possible service, who see their job as their purpose in life, even though the system might be corrupted, and for sure is underfinced.

So, to all these people belongs my and as I believe my wife´s thanks.

It is usually at Times of Worst Struggles and Hardships When We Find out Who is Our Real Friend.

Before I got into the hospital I called my wife’s mum. She offered to come but I refused saying that it might be a while before my wife would get out of the ambulance. My wife’s mum just finished a twelve-hour long shift at work, so I didn´t want to drag her to the hospital.

She however insisted that she would not stay at home in peace while her only child was going through such an experience.

Before you know it, she arrived in a UBER. I felt very relieved when she came. Also, I brought a book and a phone full of series I could not concentrate on anything. I just kept playing over and over again inside my head the moments of the fall and a few seconds later. The arrival of my wife´s mum helped me to stop that crazy recording.

She said that she came to make sure that her only child would be alright but also because of me. She didn´t want to let her son in law to suffer waiting on his own.

At that moment I realized that me and my wife take her too often for granted. Some people, sadly me included, might not think about her much but she would literally give her life for her daughter and now as I found out for her son-in-law. I was deeply touched. She even offered to take extra shifts at work to help out financially until my wife recovered.

My wife´s mum was the first of many people who in the matter of the week that my wife spent in the hospital came or contacted us to express their sympathy and offer emotional, physical or even financial support. They were our family members, friends, people from my wife´s work, our neighbours, but even almost total strangers. One of my wife´s friends even drove around 120 miles just to visit her in the hospital. I would never believe that we have so many amazing people in our lives.

As my wife said, the first few days after the accident were for her very important. Truly very hard but also very reflective because she has realized that she is loved and appreciated by so many people.
The amount of love and care helped to give her strength, so just one week after the accident she got home and she is making her first painful steps.

Also, there will be undoubtedly a lot of challenges on her way to a complete recovery, but the fact that she feels so loved and taken care of gives her confidence that she can do it. Quite clearly it gave her the strength to overcome the pain and the fear of standing up on the injured leg just the next day after a surgery that she received at the hospital.

Again, it was the amazing work of the surgical team at the orthopaedic ward in the hospital that enabled her to do so. But it was her inner strength supported by the real human connection from all the people in her life who truly loved her that helped her to push herself to her very limits and step on the leg despite the fear and crushing pain. And, it was the same real human connection and support that gave her strength to make every single day a few more steps, so she could leave the hospital just one week after the accident.

On the other hand, me and my wife also sadly realized that there are people in our lives who don´t deserve our attention, who don´t deserve that special place in our hearts. People who turned their backs on us and preferred their selfish interests over the bare minimum such as emotional support during the difficult time. But as the saying goes: “There is something good in every negative experience.” We have reflected on who deserves to be a part of our lives and who doesn´t. And, that´s also part of that amazing journey called life.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Do you have in your life someone who you take for granted?

If it´s so, please don´t wait for a similar experience described above. Don´t wait until something happens to you or them. Don´t wait until is too late. Pick up your phone and let them know that you love them. Let them know that you appreciate that they are part of your life. Ask them how they are. You never know when you will need them. You never know when you will need to feel the real human connection and not just empty words expressed through a cold screen without any sense. Don´t just wait for a time of worst struggles and hardships to find out who is your real friend and who is not.

George