11.7.2024:
It was January 2nd 2013. It was my thirty-second birthday. But I didn´t feel like celebrating anything. I wasn´t in a festive mood at all. Actually, on the contrary. I felt quite down and out, I thought I could spend all day in my bad sleeping without being bothered by anything or anyone.
Honestly, I didn´t even expect to be bothered by anyone because it was like that with my birthday all the time since I was a kid. Who would like to join someone else birthday party second day after New Year?
My overall mental state didn´t help even the fact that I was without a job because my contract at my last job ended at the end of the previous year.
Also, my other prospects weren´t very optimistic. I ended up back in my parent’s house in my childhood room after my long-lasting relationship had fallen apart after eight years. I wasn´t able to find a new job in a field that I studied, I didn´t have absolutely a clue what to do next, my account was practically on zero, and I felt like a total failure.
To be honest, I spent a lot of time in that kind of depressive state of mind in those days. My birthday was just a day when my depression for an obvious reason culminated.
A Present Saved Me From The Darkness
I guess that someone who never felt so depressed will not understand the apathy one can get into that one doesn´t even have any will to live when one can get to a phase when any subtle action, such as brushing teeth or getting out of bed seems like an insurmountable obstacle.
Of course, at that time I even didn´t have any idea about what depression was. I am reflecting on my foregone experience based on my current knowledge.
At the time of the darkest thoughts, I recalled a meeting with one of my very good friends in Prague, the capital of the Czech Republic during the previous summer.
Before we said goodbye to each other, we went to visit a bookstore because my friend got the idea to give me a Christmas or birthday present in advance. We never knew when we would have a chance to see each other again.
After hopeless searching of several storeys and departments of the bookstore, she finally found what she was looking for. She paid for the book at a register and gave it to me saying that she believes that I am an open-minded person who might one day appreciate the content of the book. Maybe not that day but one day for sure. And, approximately a half year later I recalled the gift from my friend and reached for it to read it.
It was You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.
I don´t think that I read such a book before but exactly as my friend told me, it came to me at the right time when I needed it most without even knowing at first.
The book’s content is not an object of this post but let´s say briefly that it is a spiritual, self-developing book that helps one find a way back to oneself, self-love, self-respect, rebuilding self-confidence, etc.
Lousie L. Hay´s book was one of a kind for me to read but many similar followed as well as many self-developing courses, therapies etc.
No matter what you might think about these kinds of books and courses, dear reader, please tell me if you have never asked yourself about your life’s purpose and similar questions.
Let´s say this book has set me on the curse of learning more about myself, accepting my past, accepting who I am in the present moment, and on the curse of constant effort to become the best version of myself.
The Moment I Looked At Myself In A Mirror
I started to read Lousie L. Hay´s book enthusiastically and attentively lapped up page after page until I reached the part where there was an instruction for a mirror exercise that the author uses as one of many to find a way back to ourselves, a way to self-love and self-acceptance in the present moment.
As I have mentioned the book is a lot about teaching self-love and self-acceptance because the opposite case causes us a lot of trouble.
The principle of the mirror exercise is pretty simple. You are supposed to stand in front of
a mirror and look directly into your eyes.
No matter how silly this exercise might seem it is very powerful, and I will not lie that at that time I was horrified to do so. I hesitated to look at a reflection of the broken man I was.
After a long time of hesitation, I finally found courage, got up from my bad and stepped in front of a big mirror in the hall but it still took me a while to lift my face and look into the eyes of my reflection.
I never expected what happened next. I started to cry like a small child, and I cried and cried, and could not stop for several long minutes.
The feeling is indescribable. It was like meeting a long-lost and forgotten friend after a long, long time.
I recommend the exercise to everyone who feels lost and lonely in the entire world no matter how simple and silly it might seem to you.
There is a second part to this exercise when you are supposed to say aloud a positive affirmation about yourself while looking at the mirror. This technique should help one rebuild one´s relationship with oneself. It is nothing else than standing up in front of a mirror and saying at least one positive thing about yourself to the reflection in the mirror.
Well, however, the principle is simple for some of us it can be quite awkward and difficult to say for once something positive about ourselves. At least it was difficult for me.
But, no matter how difficult this exercise was for me at the beginning it has become a part of my daily routine. I even hang up a mirror on a wall behind my laptop, so I can look at my reflection whenever I feel I need to talk to my inner self.
From my long-lasting experience, I can guarantee you that if you practise this exercise daily, it will bring you positive changes in your life.
From Affirmations To Meditation
However, Lousie L. Hay doesn´t mention meditation in her book much, only as one of many techniques to build a new foundation for the relationship with oneself, it was her book that brought me on a path of meditation practice as a way how to calm and clear my mind.
I only knew very little about meditations, so, in the beginning, I used one of the other exercises from Lousie L. Hay´s book called Letting Go, and I used it as a mantra that I was repeating several times in my mind with my eyes closed.
“I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all tension. I release all fear. I release all anger. I release all quilt. I release all sadness. I let go of all old limitations. I let go, and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with the process of life. I am safe.”
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, Copyright® 1984, 1987, 2004, 2005 by Louise L. Hay, Printed in Europe by Imago, pages 67-68.
The exercise refers to the fact that a lot of our mental issues are caused by the fact that we are not able and very often even willing to let go and let things unfold as they will.
I practised this kind of meditation for many months, especially later on when I went for my first long-lasting experience abroad, so things weren´t always easy.
Later on, in 2013 I added to my meditation more personal affirmations, or mantras if you like that addressed issues that I was facing at that time but important was that meditation became my daily practice.
My meditations certainly helped me to rise again from the bottom, overcome a lot of difficulties that I experienced at that time as a newbie abroad and helped me in general to find a way back to myself, to accept myself maybe for a first time in my life as I was at the present moment.
Deeper Into Meditation
For next following years, I was travelling quite a lot and kept practising my meditation whenever I went without any deeper knowledge of the matter. I simply followed my instincts. I knew that it helped me to start and finish my day. I felt that it was helping me to get rid of anxiety at the beginning of the day and calm down my overwhelmed mind at the end of the day, so I could fall asleep more peacefully.
I became a fan of meditation music which I was searching in different places on the internet.
I always tried a few different music tracks, chose the one that suited me the most and used that one for my meditations.
Because I listen the music every single day, it started to have a Pavlov effect on me.
I suppose that you know the story of an experiment executed by Russian experimental neurologist and physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov (1849-1936), dear reader.
Anytime, I started to listen to my meditation music, my mind instantly started to calm down. It was amazing.
In 2015, after two years of making my living as a seasonal worker, travelling and three vain attempts to settle down in my country of origin again, I decided to go for a longer experience abroad, specifically in Scotland.
At that time came to my hands a book Get Some Headspace by Andy Puddicombe which I wanted to use to deepen my knowledge about meditation.
I must say that Andy Puddicombe is an amazing author who can expand the matter perfectly to however is interested, and most importantly he can explain meditation to our Western society.
As a young lad, he left everything behind after experiencing a few life turns down and went to study meditation at several traditional monk monasteries, and now he is teaching us what he learned on his journey.
Thanks to Andy´s book I have gained a deeper knowledge about meditation, especially about the science that is behind it and why it has so positive impact on our mind and body.
If you would like to know more about what has Andy Puddicombe to say about meditation then you can check out the book Get Some Headspace as I have mentioned above, or his project Headspace, there are also some videos on YouTube, and quite informative are also his series on NETFLIX, such as Guide to Meditation.
Why All That Fuss About Meditation?
Because of the development of modern scientific neurological devices that help map our brain scientists found out what is happening with our brain when we practise long-term meditation.
The scientists found out that mediation doesn´t affect just the activity of the brain as originally thought but can positively change its structure.
It works the same way as when you go to a gym and exercise your muscles to make them stronger. By repetitive meditation, we can strengthen a part of our brain that is connected with our feelings of happiness and contentment. The neuro-scientists call this ability of our brain neuroplasticity.
A Guided Meditation
After a few years of practising my self-made meditation made of affirmations and listening to calming meditative music, I discovered by accident a technique called guided meditation.
It was approximately in 2018 when I started to seek professional help for my mental issues motivated by my back-then girlfriend and current wife Nicole.
As you can imagine, it took a long time before I got some sort of help through national health care which is a story to tell for another post, but from a leaflet I got from a GP I got an inspiration about guided meditation.
I found a few on YouTube that worked for me and started to practise them.
During a guided meditation, as you might already figure out, dear reader, there is a guide who is supposed to lead you through the whole meditation process.
Most meditations are around ten, fifteen, and maximally twenty minutes long, but they can be even longer.
Every meditation is focused on a specific topic that is supposed to address, such as anxiety, negative thinking, letting go etc.
The guide will set you at the beginning to the right state before the meditation itself to get your body and mind ready and then introduce you to a mantra that you will chant for the remaining time of the meditation quietly or silently in your mind.
The purpose of the mantra is quite simple. It is a rope or a handrail that we hold on to during our meditation, or that we catch whenever we start losing balance or more likely focus.
The thing is, many people think that meditation is about controlling our thoughts, however, it is not meditation at all.
I love the comparison that uses Andy Puddicombe.
Imagine that you are standing next to a busy road full of cars that are passing by in both directions.
The cars are our thoughts. We cannot catch them all, no matter how hard we try but we try to do so anyway.
However, our goal during meditation is to remain calm with our thoughts and just to watch them come and go by, we cannot help it and at some moment we focus on one specific thought and start exploring it.
In the next moment, we notice another thought and start chasing that one, and another one and so on.
Therefore, if we keep repeating our mantra, it will help us to bring our mind focus from chasing all the thoughts back to just watching them come and go.
Simply, the goal of meditation is to remain calm and content with all thoughts that we have.
Important with guided meditations is to find a guide that will suit you. It will be different for everyone. It must be someone whose voice should be for you soothing. It is not good if the only thing you think about during the meditation is how the voice of the guide is annoying etc.
If you have never tried a guided meditation, then I recommend you to try a few of them before you find one that suits you. There are guided meditations on YouTube, there are phone apps with meditations, etc. Some are free, some are with a monthly fee.
I have followed already around three years amazing couple that calls themselves Boho Beautiful and you can find their videos with meditations, yoga classes and other amazing content on their YouTube channels.
10 Minutes Daily It´S Only What It Takes
In the lines above I have described to you my meditation journey which I have been practising continuously over ten years.
I know that we live at times when we are constantly fighting with a lack of time, we are constantly under stress, and we feel anxious and overwhelmed with all the demands that everyone and everything has on us.
It can seem like too much to add another habit to your daily routine but I can assure you that it´s worth it, and it even doesn´t take too much of your time. Ten minutes once a day is only what it takes for you to start recognizing a positive impact in your life.
And, let me ask you if you know that only ten minutes of daily meditation would liberate you from stress, anxiety, negativity, a sense of being overwhelmed etc., would be worth it to try?
How much time do you give yourself compared to the time you give to others? Does ten minutes still seem like too much?
So, find a quiet place where nobody and nothing will disturb you at least for ten minutes, sit down, make yourself comfortable give it a try, and let me know how did it work for you.
George